Wow, another Father's Day has come and is almost gone and I still can't believe that my husband and I are actually parents! Sometimes I stop and think, how in the world did this happen!!! Well, I guess we all know how it "all" happened (Lol!), it's just seems not real sometimes but I'm loving every moment of this roller coaster ride of 'parenthood'!
Well this morning I got up feeling like any other day, well, it was but not for Herman (my husband), it was his day....Father's Day. See I usually go all out for any day where he's involved, be it his birthday, our anniversary and of course, "Father's Day" and believe me, I "had" some PLANS for him but I don't know, it was a little different this year. I didn't get up on all of the fan fare and banners and sending his moma a card literally thanking her for "birthing" him into the world! Yeah, I use to do that, especially for his birthdays and yes, I was seriously GOOOONNNNEEE (in love) during those days (and still am I might add)-Lol! So no fan fare this year, it just seemed like a year for quiet reverence to me. I didn’t need to shout it to the world or hang banners all through the house; all I wanted to do was thank him! Thank him for being the man that God had called him to be for our family! I wanted to say Kudos to him for stepping up to be the husband and father he was destined to be! You see, for many years I really discounted the true benefits of fathers because I felt like I never really knew what that really was. Okay, to be fair, my daddy was around and he was there (living in the house with me during my childhood years) but I don’t know, I just didn’t think he was a father-father figure. I loved him but didn’t really respect him. I saw my moma be the man in my household. I saw my moma cut the grass, come to basketball and softball games, take us and drop us off at school. I saw her cook, clean, pay bills, change flat tires, and pour water in a hot radiator in the car. I saw my moma be the man, excuse me, the "DADDY" in my house and my daddy was right there, seeing all of this too. See, I truly loved my daddy (and still do) however I just had no respect for him which actually made me kind of have no respect for any man! I figured if she (my moma) was doing all of this by herself then I could too and there was no man that could stand flat-footed, toe-to-toe with me and tell me any different, my moma was my Hero and there was not another like her!!! Anywhere!
Well, as you can see, this presented a huge problem for me after I got married and had kids of my own. I would ask my husband to do something and if he didn’t do it, gueeessss whaaat.....I did it MYSELF! See I was taught a long time ago that I didn't "need" a man, I wanted one (Thanks for that Kerri) and this type of thinking can be very positive and it can also be very destructive and it became the latter for me. I didn’t respect my husband's authority because I never really respected my father's authority, do you see the trend here? I mean, I would give him ample opportunity to step up and be the man I thought he should be but when he didn’t move like I wanted him to then I became the man. Now tell me, what Christ-centered home could stand long with this type of backwards thinking? And to add, my daughter (a one day wife and mother) and son (a one day husband and father) were witnessing this very thing that I had witnessed as a child and you know what happens most of the time in situations like this, the children wind up repeating your behavior (as I did my parents). So I had to do some serious soul searching and what I realized was that, my husband was not my daddy and I was not my moma! Wow! I almost hit the floor when I finally got that! Herman use to always tell me, "you better deal with your issues with your daddy or it's going to ruin every relationship you touch" and it almost did!
Well, needless to say, we, well, "I" finally got it together and we lived happily ever after.....not-Lol! Well, not that we're not going to live happily ever after but it took twenty some odd years to formulate that type of, "I can do everything myself" thinking therefore, it's not going to take 5 to turn it all around. I'm a continual work-in-progress and I thank God for that everyday. My relationship with my daddy is actually better than it's ever been and the reason is because I became to understand why he was the way that he was. Not to excuse his behavior but his father and of course, my granddaddy’s father were all brought up in this manner. It "Was" a vicious cycle of disrespect, lack of trust and divorce that ended with me, thank you God! So this leads me to my discussion of "Men"and/or "Daddies" and how and why they are so important in our lives, whether their presence was a positive one or negative, they influence almost every decision (good or bad) that we will make as adults!
My daddy, although he wasn't the model father, I thank God for him everyday and for what he wasn't in my life. Because my daddy was somewhat absent and didn’t really take care of home or us, I learned to be "present" even when I wasn’t there. I realized that I wanted a family and a husband who looked after and cared for not only me but our children. My daddy, although he will probably never know, contributed greatly to my success! My success as a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a friend heck, even a business woman! I am better at all of those things because my daddy wasn't. Sound crazy I guess but I guess a better way to sum it up is, what the enemy meant for bad, God meant for good! See, the devil had it set up a long time ago that my marriage would fail because of my disobedience that was passed down from my father but God had a different plan. God used my struggle and the fact that my daddy wasn't the "man" I thought he should be and he put that desire (to be better) down on the inside of me and then he created a man (just for me) who had those same desires (down on the inside of him) and he made us ONE!
So this is why I say "Men" or "Daddies" are very important in our lives whether we want to accept it or not. My husband (as full of flaws as he is) came into my life and showed me men that loved and took care of their families did exist! His love showed me that I didn’t have to do it all! So this is how I look at the relationships of "Men" in my life, my daddy made me tough and never to depend on people to stay if they didn't want to (I still believe that to this day and probably will forever because I think it is so true) however, my husband taught me that it's STRENGTH in weakness and that it's ok to be vulnerable and that if people did leave (including him, my husband) that it had absolutely nothing to do with me, it was just that their season in my life was over! You see, Men are the head, the beginning all starts with them and if the enemy can trick us to believe that we are (the head and the beginning) then he's already won the battle! Yall let's get back to basics, yeah it hurt when your father walked out of your life and yes, it devastated you when your husband cheated or asked for a divorce but "God knows" it's all a set up to be blessed! Let's forgive this father's day, those who mistreated us and disrespected us and even LEFT us to fend for ourselves! This is the only true way that we will ever understand the importance of "Men" in our lives and in our relationships. It may sound crazy but I am everything I am because of everything my "father" wasn't and I love him so much more today then I ever did.....because I now understand the key role he played in my life!!! Thank You Daddy!
Be Blessed All & Happy Father's Day to all (FATHERS) reading this!
Signed....
Struggling To Balance It All!
