"Peaches, you're waaay too ambitious". I think you need to focus on what's important and that's your family right now". Wow, does anyone dare to dream a wee bit bigger than you're suppose to (I do), or maybe you went up for that job that no one really thought you could get, except you (I did and I got it), or maybe you dared to go somewhere and do something that nobody else in your immediate would have even thought to do, "you're too young, who'll be with you" (well I did, I left and I'm still doing ok). Why is it that people place their own inhibitions on you? And honestly, I do believe that if you truly love someone you tend to want to think about what's probably best for that person but what we have to realize is, "my life" is not "yours" to live. Ever since I was twleve or thirteen years old I've been dreaming big dreams (well, at least that's what I've been told-lol) and that's the difference between me and other folks, I never thought they were BIG DREAMS, I thought "EVERYBODY" thought the same way I did-Lol!. My moma would always say, "that child got some big dreams don't she" and I always wondered what she meant by that. I mean, aren't other folks thinking and dreaming and wishing the same way, and if not, why? What is it that makes people think, "I can't do that", if everything in them tells them that they can!?!? Is it their environment or their current situation, what is it? Honestly, I've never thought, especially as a kid, that there was "nothing" that I couldnt do, especially if I really worked at it and tried my best (okay corny but it's so true).
Okay now fast forward twenty or so years, I'm 35 years old with "MONUMENTAL"responsibility, my husband, my children, their lives, their needs, their wants, now, their dreams! Okay, not so much about me anymore and honestly that comes with the territory. I've learned that the things I necessarily think are my passion or my calling kind of have to "wait" because my family comes first and foremost! Back in the day if someone offered me a job or asked if I could take part in an special event or even asked if I could go on a trip, my first thoughts were a resounding, "how much does it pay" and/or "when do we leave". Now, my first thoughts are, "how can I incorporate my family into this?" and honestly if I can't in any way and if it's not going to be the "ideal" situation for them, then my answer is always "No", and not "No" forever but just "No" for now. Realizing that if it's for me now then it'll be for me later. See I think that's the difference in being 'too ambitious' with "no focus" because with no focus, it's absolutely and completely about "you" but when you are truly ambitious but "with focus" and you know what's important, it becomes ABSOLUTELY "not about you". So I say all of that to pose this very important question that I've had to deal with lately concerning some very important decisions regarding "me" in the past couple of years. And let's be clear, this question didnt just come up because of my recent quest to be on Oprah or to start my own business, etc., no, this question has honestly been bouncing around in my head for a few years now. Honestly it started when I decided to be a stay-at-home "Moma". Some of you think, "why did she have to think about staying at home", well because that job, like no other (if you're a hands on parent like I am) requires you to have absolutely no life of your own. You are literally in the trenches all day, feeding, cooking, teaching, playing, going to activities, going to the grocery store, dr's appts, sick days, well days, etc., etc., people dont truly understand the actual time and work it takes to stay at home with your kids. So after a while of this, I was done, I wanted it to be over, was ready to go back to work because honestly, work, in my opinion, was so much easier than what I was doing...EVERYDAY! But I dealt with that question, do I go back or do I stay for my kids, eerrrgghh! I want a life other than this is what I would always think to myself but you know what, for reasons I knew were going to benefit my family and my kids in the long run, I stayed. Another example, when it was time for me to go back to work, I wanted a big, high profile job like the one I had before I started staying home, so I started applying to all these positions that would have me gone as much as my husband and even preoccupied with work when I was home. Well after awhile of thinking....Big Money but no time with my kids, I decided that I had to take something less high-profile, less money and that would require me to still be able to be that hands on, full time mommy and let's be clear, I love my husband and my babies sooo much that honestly it was an easy choice.
So here we are now, kids are a little older, husbands definitely more self sufficient when it comes to trying to balance life with work and kids and activities......okay, well not that 'self sufficient' cause I'm still trying to get that one down myself, Lol but he can handle it way better than in earlier years:-). So now moma has a couple opportunities that she's prayed about regarding her family and honestly this could be you with a big job opportunity or a travel opportunity or even to step out on faith to quit a great job to stay home with your family or to begin your own business. Whatever your "Big Opportunity" may be mommies, you're at a crossroad in your life and you need to make that decision as to whether you go "left" (into a great situation that may cause you to not be as full time or hands on as you use to be but will not take you away from your role and responsibility to your family, however things will definitely change a bit) or you go "right" (where you're comfortable, life is really easy, there's no "big" dreaming and you just keep putting "life" off til' it's better for the people around you).
SHOULD WE ONLY BE CONCERNED WITH BEING A GOOD WIFE AND MOTHER? I think about all the women out there who are successful and have awesome careers, loving husbands and good kids and are living out their dreams (whether she's a secretary, a nurse, a teacher, a judge or president of her company) and I wonder what sacrifices have they had to make in order to do what they love and still be there for their families. Yes, we don't live in people's homes so we don't know truly how they're faring with the mom having a role or career outside of the home. I'm sure that in order for 'mommy' to do what she does there is some great sacrifice on the part of the entire family (because moma's role is so important in the family therefore, in order for her to do what she does, everybody has to step up..."sacrifice"). So I think about my doctor, who happens to be a woman, bryce and asia's pediatrician, who happens to be a woman, my OB, and you know it, she's a woman. I stand back sometimes in awe of them and wonder, how do they keep up the schedule that they have and still try to be "in the moment" with their families. And what my primary care physican told me was that, "it aint easy April but if I didnt do what I do then I wouldnt be the great mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and "Doctor" that I am. She told me that she loved her family but this, what she was doing, helping people and taking care of people was about her and her calling (what God put down in "her") and not about her kids or her husband or their "lifestyle". Now they benefit from my being here and working in my calling but in no way is this calling 100% about them. Wow, I couldn't have described what she said any better than if I had uttered those words myself!
So mommies, is your dream or a goal that you have "too ambitious" for you because you're a mommy or a wife or because you already have a job that you "like" but it's not your calling. Should you stay where you are because honestly, that's what everybody else is doing and they seem to be doing ok? Should you accept somebody else's reality as yours? Heck no! My thoughts on this, you get one go round' in this world, if you dont make it count for something, your loss! Now, my disclaimer, I'm not at all saying that being a good wife and mother arent good and fulfilling jobs, please no one take any of what I'm saying as that....Never for a moment would I think that! What I'm saying is, if that is what fulfils you then I'm for it and I pray you be the best wife and mother you can be! But if your friend or sister or aunt or wife has another calling and wants to step out on faith to persue it, you then support and pray for her that she not only is doing the right thing but that she succeds in all that God has called her to "balance", wife, motherhood, career, sisterfriend, co-worker, "Dream". You pray God equipts her to be successful at all that her hands touch and not tell her that she should maybe "not" be too ambitious. Let's support one another ladies and husbands and heck even kids. We put it out there on the line everyday for our families and friends, all we ask is for a little support in our "Ambition"!
Just sharing my commentary, what's yours, seriously, what are your thoughts?
April
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Struggling To Balance It All!!!
YES!!! I'm finally doing this blog which I've been talking about doing for about a month now, which is a testament to how extremely "BUSY" my life has been these past few months! Okay folks, I'm starting strong on this one! Question, how many out there (men and/or women) find yourselves eating your lunch/dinner in the car, whisking the kids from one activity to the other with almost no conversation in the car, speeding in traffic trying to get from one appointment to the next, confusing the dates of your appointments, getting half-way to work, school, daycare, event, etc., and realize you forgot the checkbook or the money to pay for the visit, and the list can go on and on!? But I'm really curious to see, is it just me or are many of us either too proud to admit that we're struggling (to handle it all) or are many simply in denial about it and feel that they, with all that their juggling, are managing just fine? I pose that question because I realize that I may get some flack from some very conservative, christian and even superwoman-like women out there who will simply downplay their struggles and tell all who will listen that "God" will take care of all their needs. And let's be clear, I absolutely believe that with all of my heart, I do. However, I think that at some point we have to stop simply throwing out scriptures and leaving it at that. We need to sit down with our sisterfriend, co-worker, boss, aunt, mom, wives, etc. and actually engage and spend some time with them and listen to what they're going thru. We need honest, true and REAL dialogue on this issue. No doubt that my God can do any and all things....above all that we can even think or ask and I think most "christian" women who are "struggling to balance it all" already know and understand that part, we just need to know that we're not the only ones going through it (then you can slide a scripture or two in:-).
So here is where I began (transparency time). From what one can tell on the outside looking in on my life....it's this beautiful family (and we are, let's get that part straight-lol), with a beautiful life, with 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, beautiful friends and a beautiful matriach (me!!!) of a mommy holding it down-lol! Well, let's be real folks, IT'S NICE but it aint all beautiful! My sweet, sweet husband works almost 12-14 hour days for at least 6 mos. OR MORE out of the year (some of that out of town) and I'm very thankful for him and what he does for our family, grateful even! HOWEVER.... the fact that he's a good husband and hardworking, etc, etc, does not take away from the fact that "Mommy" is "GETTIN' IT IN" like many of you out there! It's tough to be in a situation like mine or like yours because we do have help (or as my moma describes help, "HUSBANDS") so as soon as we open our mouth(s) to complain or say were tired or even if we get a little bit frustrated there's always someone standing by to remind you that, "Giiirl, you got it good, at least you got some help"! Yeah, who among you have heard that stressed to you more times than you can count? Oh, me, me, me-lol! And to be honest, they're right....kind of. We do have help but it's not always "given" by our spouses or significant others in the way we truly need it. I've been doing this job (wife & mother) long enough to realize that there are 3 different types of help we as women need and we need them at specific times. Example, I can do homework, clean the house from top to bottom, cook, feed the kids, get everything set out for bath time, bed time, etc., leave the house for a nano second and come back home and the place is "D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D"! There is no one in bed, they're sitting in front of the t.v. (of which I hate but that's a whole nother' blog-lol), the kitchen is not cleaned up from dinner, nothings put away and my loving husband looks at me and says so very innocently, "Whaaaat???" See, it's at that moment, I dont need the physical prowess of my husband (working the midnight oil to bring home the bacon), nor do I need the spiritual sensitivity of my husband (giving me a quoted scripture of "God will work out all your stress and problems Peaches"). NO, the type of help that I need from my husband at that very moment, is the MENTAL! I need for him to realize and RATIONALIZE (as most of us women do for our significant others when we're trying to put ourselves in their shoes to better understand what they're going thru) in his head that it's not so much about the house being cleaned or the things being put away in their place or even the kids sitting in front of the television "all day"....nope, it's simply about him connecting to me and understanding that I (as a wife and mom) do what I do (the cleaning, the cooking, the ripping & running with the kids, etc.) not because it's fun but becasue they are sooo worth every bit of stress and strain I encounter in my day! I need for him to understand that these things are done for their comfortability and not because I simply enjoy it! I think that once men understand that we're not ripping and running, cleaning and cooking, turning off t.v.s and stressing the importance of homework just because, but that there's a real purpose to it all, then it's a possibility that they wont so easily allow the kids to destroy the house after you've cleaned for hours or for them to sit in front of the television all day and they might even attempt to clean the kitchen after dinner....okay that's a stretch, but wishful thinking-lolol!
So, I say all of that to say this, if you're struggling to balance it all and keep it all together, IT'S OK, we all are! The thing that's not ok and that I fight to not let overtake me, is allowing it (the struggle for balance) to penetrate into who I am as a person. Okay I get it, we're all somebody's mom, somebody's wife, somebody's sistergirlfriend, somebody's daughter, somebody's committe member, somebody's co-worker, somebody's employee/employer but who we "Are Not" is somebody else's idea or image of who were SUPPOSE to be! I'm a wife and a mom and I do my fair share of cleaning, cooking, running, ripping but those activities and characteristics of what I do dont describe the full totality of who I am. We as women have to start realizing the gift that is within us and then and only then will we start to appreciate who we truly are as moms, wives, sistergirlfrend, etc. and not be satisfied with just being somebody's "SOMETHING"! I love being a mommy, by far the best job I've ever had! And a wife, ouh child, on those days when I'm really being appreciated.....Ouuuuuh Honey-lol! But as much as I identify with those titles, I cant allow "only" those titles to identify me! We are more than what anyone can see! So in your struggle for balance, always remember who you and "who's you are" and I'm betting that the balance that we so desparately search for will soon come!
Also, instead of judging eachother so harshly about "why" some of us are struggling to keep the balance, let's come together from time to time to celebrate the fact that we've decided to continue in the "struggle" to keep it all together! What an awesome idea to get together once in awhile to fellowship with one another if nothing else but to vent. However in your venting, also get some encouragement to go out another day to fight for that balance for you and your family! We as women share a true bond and one very important common goal, and that is, we LOVE our families and will do whatever it takes to keep it all together! This is why we do what we do but it dosent mean we have to forget who we are in the process!
This is April (again...) and I'm simply "Struggling To Balance It All"! and sharing my commentary with any who will listen!
Be Forever Blessed and ladies remember, walk in your Victory of who God created you to be and if that's "only" a mommy or "only"a wife or "only" an employee, etc., then walk in it and be "it" with such resileance and confidence that no one can ever tell you that you are not who you say you are and that the balance you so desire is "unreachable", it's not! Let's Get It!
April
Btw, dont forget to join me for the 1st Annual "Struggling To Balance It All" Girls Weekend Retreat and Get-Away July 23-25, 2010 @ The W. Midtown!!! More details to follow soon so start putting away that "Mommy Money"!
So here is where I began (transparency time). From what one can tell on the outside looking in on my life....it's this beautiful family (and we are, let's get that part straight-lol), with a beautiful life, with 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, beautiful friends and a beautiful matriach (me!!!) of a mommy holding it down-lol! Well, let's be real folks, IT'S NICE but it aint all beautiful! My sweet, sweet husband works almost 12-14 hour days for at least 6 mos. OR MORE out of the year (some of that out of town) and I'm very thankful for him and what he does for our family, grateful even! HOWEVER.... the fact that he's a good husband and hardworking, etc, etc, does not take away from the fact that "Mommy" is "GETTIN' IT IN" like many of you out there! It's tough to be in a situation like mine or like yours because we do have help (or as my moma describes help, "HUSBANDS") so as soon as we open our mouth(s) to complain or say were tired or even if we get a little bit frustrated there's always someone standing by to remind you that, "Giiirl, you got it good, at least you got some help"! Yeah, who among you have heard that stressed to you more times than you can count? Oh, me, me, me-lol! And to be honest, they're right....kind of. We do have help but it's not always "given" by our spouses or significant others in the way we truly need it. I've been doing this job (wife & mother) long enough to realize that there are 3 different types of help we as women need and we need them at specific times. Example, I can do homework, clean the house from top to bottom, cook, feed the kids, get everything set out for bath time, bed time, etc., leave the house for a nano second and come back home and the place is "D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D"! There is no one in bed, they're sitting in front of the t.v. (of which I hate but that's a whole nother' blog-lol), the kitchen is not cleaned up from dinner, nothings put away and my loving husband looks at me and says so very innocently, "Whaaaat???" See, it's at that moment, I dont need the physical prowess of my husband (working the midnight oil to bring home the bacon), nor do I need the spiritual sensitivity of my husband (giving me a quoted scripture of "God will work out all your stress and problems Peaches"). NO, the type of help that I need from my husband at that very moment, is the MENTAL! I need for him to realize and RATIONALIZE (as most of us women do for our significant others when we're trying to put ourselves in their shoes to better understand what they're going thru) in his head that it's not so much about the house being cleaned or the things being put away in their place or even the kids sitting in front of the television "all day"....nope, it's simply about him connecting to me and understanding that I (as a wife and mom) do what I do (the cleaning, the cooking, the ripping & running with the kids, etc.) not because it's fun but becasue they are sooo worth every bit of stress and strain I encounter in my day! I need for him to understand that these things are done for their comfortability and not because I simply enjoy it! I think that once men understand that we're not ripping and running, cleaning and cooking, turning off t.v.s and stressing the importance of homework just because, but that there's a real purpose to it all, then it's a possibility that they wont so easily allow the kids to destroy the house after you've cleaned for hours or for them to sit in front of the television all day and they might even attempt to clean the kitchen after dinner....okay that's a stretch, but wishful thinking-lolol!
So, I say all of that to say this, if you're struggling to balance it all and keep it all together, IT'S OK, we all are! The thing that's not ok and that I fight to not let overtake me, is allowing it (the struggle for balance) to penetrate into who I am as a person. Okay I get it, we're all somebody's mom, somebody's wife, somebody's sistergirlfriend, somebody's daughter, somebody's committe member, somebody's co-worker, somebody's employee/employer but who we "Are Not" is somebody else's idea or image of who were SUPPOSE to be! I'm a wife and a mom and I do my fair share of cleaning, cooking, running, ripping but those activities and characteristics of what I do dont describe the full totality of who I am. We as women have to start realizing the gift that is within us and then and only then will we start to appreciate who we truly are as moms, wives, sistergirlfrend, etc. and not be satisfied with just being somebody's "SOMETHING"! I love being a mommy, by far the best job I've ever had! And a wife, ouh child, on those days when I'm really being appreciated.....Ouuuuuh Honey-lol! But as much as I identify with those titles, I cant allow "only" those titles to identify me! We are more than what anyone can see! So in your struggle for balance, always remember who you and "who's you are" and I'm betting that the balance that we so desparately search for will soon come!
Also, instead of judging eachother so harshly about "why" some of us are struggling to keep the balance, let's come together from time to time to celebrate the fact that we've decided to continue in the "struggle" to keep it all together! What an awesome idea to get together once in awhile to fellowship with one another if nothing else but to vent. However in your venting, also get some encouragement to go out another day to fight for that balance for you and your family! We as women share a true bond and one very important common goal, and that is, we LOVE our families and will do whatever it takes to keep it all together! This is why we do what we do but it dosent mean we have to forget who we are in the process!
This is April (again...) and I'm simply "Struggling To Balance It All"! and sharing my commentary with any who will listen!
Be Forever Blessed and ladies remember, walk in your Victory of who God created you to be and if that's "only" a mommy or "only"a wife or "only" an employee, etc., then walk in it and be "it" with such resileance and confidence that no one can ever tell you that you are not who you say you are and that the balance you so desire is "unreachable", it's not! Let's Get It!
April
Btw, dont forget to join me for the 1st Annual "Struggling To Balance It All" Girls Weekend Retreat and Get-Away July 23-25, 2010 @ The W. Midtown!!! More details to follow soon so start putting away that "Mommy Money"!
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