Could I Be Afraid of Success? Hmmmm......

QUESTION?

How does a "mother", who is totally committed to her kids, family, etc. truly find the time in her day (year, month, LIFE) to focus on what she wants to do? Or, should her focus just be on her family? I've come to this place (for the 100th time) that I will just wait, wait until life gets easier, wait until there's time for me, wait until my kids are bigger & more self-sufficient, wait until my focus is solely on me bcuz honestly, "me" is not happening anytime soon. I've even noticed that when I'm in the gym working out, I'm rushing my workouts saying, "nope, I can't do weights today, I can't do Abs.....I have too many errands to run or a dr's appt to get to or check the kids out for their appts or a project to finish, or, yadah, yadah, yada. Is this "double" life truly attainable (I mean, attaining it with your sanity intact, lol). Now I'll be clear, I don't harbor any guilt regarding my situation, I'm convinced that my babies will be fine without me standing over them every waking second of the day, and just as convinced that what needs to get done @ my home will "eventually" get done. So I'm not feeling guilty about wanting to be back in the workforce, nor do I feel guilty about not being able to do everything for everybody (NOT EVEN, lOL!). I think I’m just overwhelmed thinking about trying to literally, "DO" it all' (hint, struggling to balance it all).

 

So to my point, a really honest and 'tell-it-like-it-is good friend of mine told me that she thinks that I'm afraid of success. Get that, me, afraid to succeed, doesn't even sound right....but could she be right? She's convinced that I use the kids (and all of the "Gabillion" things I have going on with them and my life) as an excuse "not" to do what it is I should be doing, hmmmm!? She says that success is imminent and I know it, that's why I say, "I can't, the kids, my family, my friends". Hmmmmm, wondering, could she really have a point? I feel her, however I don't think I'm "afraid" to actually succeed but maybe afraid that I'm not gonna know how to "balance" the success with my most important gig' right now, which is my family. Afraid that I'll start it and have to stop it and let it all go as I've done so many times in the past because I'm needed more @ home. Hmmmmm, just wondering out loud. So my question, who among you are doing it, holding it down, keeping it all together (well, you know what I mean, to the best of your ability) and are not having to "choose" your career/job/dream over your family?  Anybody out there ever feel really drawn and pulled to do something "else" but didn't move out of fear? Not exactly "fear" that you wouldn't do well but the fear of having to decide which is more important. Would love to hear your feedback, especially from working women (but any and all please feel free to reply)!

Just thinking out loud and wondering, if anyone else has been there, "Afraid to Succeed".

April (STBIA)

Stuggling To Balance It All!: Sacrifice, What Is It & How Did It Become So Apart of Who I Am...as a Wife, Mother, Friend, Etc?

Stuggling To Balance It All!: Sacrifice, What Is It & How Did It Become So Apart of Who I Am...as a Wife, Mother, Friend, Etc?

Sacrifice, What Is It & How Did It Become So Apart of Who I Am...as a Wife, Mother, Friend, Etc?

What Is SACRIFICE? 
Sacrifice is defined as the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a far greater value or claim.  Wow, this statement could not be any truer in my life then it is at this very moment.  Reason: It's 11:00pm and all have settled in comfortably in their beds (including the hubby), warm and snug dreaming of the next days, weeks, heck even months events while I sit up, exhausted, hungry (but that's because I'm a little 'greedy'-Lol) and pleading for a new day because this one was not to my pleasing at all, "Sacrifice!.  It's the new normal for me nowadays and I'll be honest, had I known that in this current role as mother, wife, friend, committee member, etc., etc, that I would be seriously pushing aside alot of my dreams and desires for others I probably would not be sitting here blogging about "Sacrifice":-), lets just be real.  Even though I'm absolutely grateful to no end for what God has done (and let's be clear, is currently doing) in my life with regard to health, strength, my unbelievable family and a strong faith life, I still don't think I would have volunteered for this position knowing what I currently know, it's tough!  However, I know I am who I am "today" because of those people (my husband, my babies & my family) in my life, so big up God!  I thank you everyday for your grace and "mercies" over me and my family!  "However", there are some days I look back and think, "wow, I should have been there by now or doing this by now".  I mean by show of hands, who among you have never had that thought?  Many have but what we've come to understand is that it's all about "Sacrifice", for women I feel ESPECIALLY!

To give up or 'forfeit' something of high value (my dreams, career, goals) for the sake of something or someone considered to have a far greater "Value" (my family and everything that goes with them).  Wow, who would "KNOWINGLY" walk into something that sounds as crazy as that statement does?  We would (and we do it everyday), momas, sistergirlfriends, sisters, aunts, co-workers and so many more!  I think I can admit that deep down I kind of knew that by deciding to get married and soon thereafter decide to have a family that one day that sacrificial part of this deal was going to rear it's little head.  I honestly believe, that in the beginning, we really don't have a clue of the magnitude of what we're soon to be walking into with regard to sacrifice. I know-I know, some of you are probably saying, "I'll give up my life for my kids, husband, family, etc" and I hear that and honestly I've probably made that statement a time or two on this 10-year ride as a wife and mom but I start to wonder, did I truly mean it?  Transparency time!  I can say, at the time I probably made those statements about being ready to take on the sacrifices of life for everybody I love, I probably' hadn't gone through anything, well let's just say I hadn't gone through much so it was very easy for me to shout that to the world but now, hmmmmm, I'm a little on the fence.  Now don't get me wrong, I have been truly blessed (with what and who I have in my life) and make no mistake about it, I'm in this one for the long haul but if we can be honest, I have my moments when I stop and think, "wait, I didn't sign up for this part"!

About a month or so ago I was just recently playing the role of a lifetime as a wife, mom and corporate marketing & public relations representative for a small but growing company here in Atlanta.  Well, the position sort of ended because there was a need that I, as a mom and wife, was not morally able to fulfill.  The job requirements became a bit more than what I was honestly able to handle, not intellectually of course, I mean after all I attended ASU-Lol, but however more physically (hands on travel, etc.) and mentally (more time spent working and away).  As unfortunate as this was for me I knew where my priorities were and that was with my kids (taking care of my family first and foremost).  So after this happened I was a little bothered to be honest and started to really ponder on how women truly deal with sacrifice with regard to career, goals, activities, family, etc.  When I started writing this blog I was in a 'why me' kind of place but as I continued to write (as many who know me know that writing is truly therapy for me) I started to really understand why sacrifice is such a huge part of the lives of most women.  However still, in knowing and understanding the fact that we are the sacrificial bearers, I still want to hear from other women on how they feel about it.  What is that you're giving up for the betterment of your family?  What have you put on hold or on the back burner so that your family is ok and taken care of?  And as I write this, I think about the many women out there who are also sacrificing on the other end.  They're having to go to work in jobs and positions everyday where they're not fulfilled but they have to in order to "provide" for their families, that's sacrifice on a whole other level but we do it because we have to.

So my question is to mostly women but men please feel free to oblige me on this one as well:  Is this sacrifice issue mostly placed upon the woman?  Now, I know there are men out there who are putting it down everyday sacrificing for their families (my husband being one of them) but I want to understand this from the woman's perspective.  I mean, my husband loves his job and his role as father, husband, etc. so I don't really look at what he does as sacrifice but I do understand that there is a certain element of sacrifice on his part for his family but what I'm talking about is having to 'give up' something for something or someone else.  My question, Is Sacrifice mostly looked at as the woman's responsibility when it comes to doing what's best for the family?  I wonder, in most cases, if the situation were reversed and men had to say no to a job or position or opportunity for the sake of their families, would they, should they sacrifice for the benefit of their families?  During the past few years I've had to turn down some pretty decent opportunities because based on what I do, I have to do it full throttle or not at all and having a young family and Major responsibilities at home, the latter is always the decision I'm left with and that's having to not do it all.  Now, let's be 100% clear, I'm not really complaining and griping, well not anymore, Lol.  I've come to realize that this is my life (at the moment) and there will be a time when I can go, do and be all those things that I desire to (and I also find more creative ways to try and do some of those things as well) but as for now, my husband, my children and my family come FIRST and I'm truly (getting) ok with that, lol.  However I decided to blog about this just to find out where most women (and men) are on this issue. 
So, how many of you are in similar situations where you've decided to sacrifice OR FORFEIT or just briefly 'put on hold' your dreams and/or goals for now?  How does it feel and if you've been ok with your decision (to put your dreams and goals and aspirations on hold for now) how did you feel when you initially had to say "No" to that fantastic job, career and/or opportunity (i.e, a promotion on your job, a call in the ministry, a move, or something as simple as just taking time out for yourself)?  How did (or does) it feel when you know you simply just "CAN'T" do it?

Just sharing my commentary, what's yours?

April (STBIA)
Struggling To Balance It All!

Father's Day: The importance of Men, or better yet, "Daddies" in our LIves!

Wow, another Father's Day has come and is almost gone and I still can't believe that my husband and I are actually parents! Sometimes I stop and think, how in the world did this happen!!! Well, I guess we all know how it "all" happened (Lol!), it's just seems not real sometimes but I'm loving every moment of this roller coaster ride of 'parenthood'!


Well this morning I got up feeling like any other day, well, it was but not for Herman (my husband), it was his day....Father's Day. See I usually go all out for any day where he's involved, be it his birthday, our anniversary and of course, "Father's Day" and believe me, I "had" some PLANS for him but I don't know, it was a little different this year. I didn't get up on all of the fan fare and banners and sending his moma a card literally thanking her for "birthing" him into the world! Yeah, I use to do that, especially for his birthdays and yes, I was seriously GOOOONNNNEEE (in love) during those days (and still am I might add)-Lol! So no fan fare this year, it just seemed like a year for quiet reverence to me. I didn’t need to shout it to the world or hang banners all through the house; all I wanted to do was thank him! Thank him for being the man that God had called him to be for our family! I wanted to say Kudos to him for stepping up to be the husband and father he was destined to be! You see, for many years I really discounted the true benefits of fathers because I felt like I never really knew what that really was. Okay, to be fair, my daddy was around and he was there (living in the house with me during my childhood years) but I don’t know, I just didn’t think he was a father-father figure. I loved him but didn’t really respect him. I saw my moma be the man in my household. I saw my moma cut the grass, come to basketball and softball games, take us and drop us off at school. I saw her cook, clean, pay bills, change flat tires, and pour water in a hot radiator in the car. I saw my moma be the man, excuse me, the "DADDY" in my house and my daddy was right there, seeing all of this too. See, I truly loved my daddy (and still do) however I just had no respect for him which actually made me kind of have no respect for any man! I figured if she (my moma) was doing all of this by herself then I could too and there was no man that could stand flat-footed, toe-to-toe with me and tell me any different, my moma was my Hero and there was not another like her!!!  Anywhere!

Well, as you can see, this presented a huge problem for me after I got married and had kids of my own. I would ask my husband to do something and if he didn’t do it, gueeessss whaaat.....I did it MYSELF! See I was taught a long time ago that I didn't "need" a man, I wanted one (Thanks for that Kerri) and this type of thinking can be very positive and it can also be very destructive and it became the latter for me. I didn’t respect my husband's authority because I never really respected my father's authority, do you see the trend here? I mean, I would give him ample opportunity to step up and be the man I thought he should be but when he didn’t move like I wanted him to then I became the man. Now tell me, what Christ-centered home could stand long with this type of backwards thinking?  And to add, my daughter (a one day wife and mother) and son (a one day husband and father) were witnessing this very thing that I had witnessed as a child and you know what happens most of the time in situations like this, the children wind up repeating your behavior (as I did my parents). So I had to do some serious soul searching and what I realized was that, my husband was not my daddy and I was not my moma! Wow! I almost hit the floor when I finally got that! Herman use to always tell me, "you better deal with your issues with your daddy or it's going to ruin every relationship you touch" and it almost did!

Well, needless to say, we, well, "I" finally got it together and we lived happily ever after.....not-Lol! Well, not that we're not going to live happily ever after but it took twenty some odd years to formulate that type of, "I can do everything myself" thinking therefore, it's not going to take 5 to turn it all around. I'm a continual work-in-progress and I thank God for that everyday. My relationship with my daddy is actually better than it's ever been and the reason is because I became to understand why he was the way that he was. Not to excuse his behavior but his father and of course, my granddaddy’s father were all brought up in this manner. It "Was" a vicious cycle of disrespect, lack of trust and divorce that ended with me, thank you God! So this leads me to my discussion of "Men"and/or "Daddies" and how and why they are so important in our lives, whether their presence was a positive one or negative, they influence almost every decision (good or bad) that we will make as adults!

My daddy, although he wasn't the model father, I thank God for him everyday and for what he wasn't in my life. Because my daddy was somewhat absent and didn’t really take care of home or us, I learned to be "present" even when I wasn’t there. I realized that I wanted a family and a husband who looked after and cared for not only me but our children. My daddy, although he will probably never know, contributed greatly to my success! My success as a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a friend heck, even a business woman! I am better at all of those things because my daddy wasn't. Sound crazy I guess but I guess a better way to sum it up is, what the enemy meant for bad, God meant for good! See, the devil had it set up a long time ago that my marriage would fail because of my disobedience that was passed down from my father but God had a different plan. God used my struggle and the fact that my daddy wasn't the "man" I thought he should be and he put that desire (to be better) down on the inside of me and then he created a man (just for me) who had those same desires (down on the inside of him) and he made us ONE!

So this is why I say "Men" or "Daddies" are very important in our lives whether we want to accept it or not. My husband (as full of flaws as he is) came into my life and showed me men that loved and took care of their families did exist! His love showed me that I didn’t have to do it all! So this is how I look at the relationships of "Men" in my life, my daddy made me tough and never to depend on people to stay if they didn't want to (I still believe that to this day and probably will forever because I think it is so true) however, my husband taught me that it's STRENGTH in weakness and that it's ok to be vulnerable and that if people did leave (including him, my husband) that it had absolutely nothing to do with me, it was just that their season in my life was over! You see, Men are the head, the beginning all starts with them and if the enemy can trick us to believe that we are (the head and the beginning) then he's already won the battle! Yall let's get back to basics, yeah it hurt when your father walked out of your life and yes, it devastated you when your husband cheated or asked for a divorce but "God knows" it's all a set up to be blessed! Let's forgive this father's day, those who mistreated us and disrespected us and even LEFT us to fend for ourselves! This is the only true way that we will ever understand the importance of "Men" in our lives and in our relationships. It may sound crazy but I am everything I am because of everything my "father" wasn't and I love him so much more today then I ever did.....because I now understand the key role he played in my life!!! Thank You Daddy! 

Be Blessed All & Happy Father's Day to all (FATHERS) reading this!

Signed....
Struggling To Balance It All!

Charlotte from Sex And The City, OMG!!!

Charlotte from Sex and The City knocked it out of the park for me!  Okay, my girl Bernetta  is blogging about "The Kiss" between Carrie and Aiden (from a wife's perspective) so much to say on that one so check out her blog on Wiffe2010!  However I'm gonna take this from the "Struggling" Moma's perspective!  Now, my disclaimer regarding my opinion(s) of the whole Sex And The City saga, I've never really watched the show(s) so I can't speak from a 'true fan' perspective but seeing their latest flick (And Charlotte!!!), I'm all about this show now-lol, yeah, now that it's over, right-lol!?  Well, to get to Charlotte, she came across, in the beginning of the movie ( and I'm assuming in the previous SATC episodes), as a very sheltered, naive and judgemental mom, woman, girlfriend, etc.  Yall know the type, the ones that's "portraying" that they got it all together and their very world is crashing before their eyes!  Well, I try real hard not to judge folks because I wanna understand "why" they think, act or say the things that they do before I say, "oh yeah, she crazy" (lol!) but this chick was slowly starting to get to me from the onset (of the movie) but then it happened....HER BREAKDOWN!  Okay, not a full fledged breakdown but those of you who've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about....oops', and to those who haven't, SORRY:-).  Anywho, when the "semi-breakdown" happened, Charlotte was doing what all of those mommies with the "S" on their chest do at a time of almost near destruction, "IT ALL"!  Okay, another disclaimer, no way am I saying that we shouldn't do and be all that we "can" for our kids and families, I just think, once we do all that we "CAN" then that's it, Moma's clocking out...break time! Okay, so that out of the way.  As I was saying, Charlotte was baking cupcakes with the kids, holding a screaming baby on her hip while talking on the phone.  All the while her other child was begging for some attention.....does any of this sound vaguley familiar to any mommies out there, yeah it does me, well, to some degree. 

Well Charlotte reached her breaking point when the older child (the one vying for Charlotte's attention) put "RED" paint all over her hands and ran dead into her mommie's backside and put RED painted handprints all over Charlotte's "vintage" pencil skirt!  Yes!  That was it, Charlotte screamed at the little girl, got off the phone, put the "screaming' baby down in her high chair and ran into the pantry to "CRY"!  Okay mommies, this is where the "movie" stops here in this blog and "REAL" life picks up.  By show of hands, how many have gotten to that point?  How many have screamed at your kid for what (after you thought about it) was possibly the smallest infraction?  How many have just walked away (not leaving the kids alone or anything, but let's be clear, that does happen) to get away?  If any of you said no to "all" of these questions, then this blog is probably not for you.  However, if any of you have said "yes" to AT LEAST one of these questions then join the club....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  At dinner with the Mochas after the show, I began to pose the question to the ladies, who did you most identifiy with and for the most part I think there were varying viewpoints.  Some ladies identified with Carrie (the trendsetting fashionista), some identified or should I say, just loved Samantha and some with Charlotte of course because were all mommies so I think the vast majority had a hint of Charlotte in them but I overwhelming not only identified with Charlotte, heck I AM CHARLOTTE!!!  Or should I say, I WAS CHARLOTTE!!!  There was a point, early in my new mommy days where I thought I had to  have it all together (Thank You God for revelation!)  and one of the reasons I felt this way was because all of the mommies I knew, HAD IT ALL TOGHETHER, or so it seemed! 

See, here in lies the problem (did I say that right, "in lies"-lol).  Too many of us are sending out bad signals to other Women, Mommies, etc.  Many of us are so stressed and tired, heck, let's take it a step further, UNHAPPY even with our lives but we're portraying to the new mom or the mom who's stressed to the max that 'we got this'!  It's almost as if they're feeling that "if you believe the lie I'm putting out here then I'll start to believe it myself"!  Everytime you saw Charlotte (especially in the beginning of the movie) she was always smiling and/or giving very sound and morally upstanding advice.  It seemed as if this woman had set out and accomplished what so many of us are struggling to do, Balancing It All!  I was sitting there like, she's gone crack in a minute, she's got to!  And unbeknownst (is that really a word yall-lol) to me, she did!  Now let's be clear, I wasn't rooting for Kristin Davis' character to loose it but what I was rooting for was some TRANSPARENCY"!   Come on yall, you gotta admit that when she went into that pantry to cry, your spirits leaped up and praised the lord!  My reason for describing it in this way is because God knows and he sees our hearts, our true "spirit man", the one who resides on the inside of us and in Charlotte's case the one that "Cried Out" in that pantry that she could no longer do this by herself!  I loved that moment and it is, for me, the pivotal point in the show, well for women who are struggling with what she was struggling with, the Superwoman syndrome and then not being strong enough to be weak.  It was deliverance time!  Time to be set free from the facade that we can have it all, do it all and be it all (to everybody).....ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Oh, my disclaimer agian, I do believe we can do and be all of these things however with the right support system, prioritizing our life (lol!) and learning to say "No".

Thank you God for releasing me from the bondage of "people" and "perceptions"!  There is no way I could have a blog or fb page or even an organization called "Struggling To Balance It All" if I was at all ashamed to admit that I am (struggling to balance it all)!  My moma told me a long time ago that "sometimes peaches, struggle is God's will".  I mean, could that staement be any truer?  Look at where I am now 'due to my struggle'.  I'm blogging about it and because of the blog some folks (who are honestly going through it yet who may never truly admit that they are) can at least quietly relate to what I'm experiencing and know that they are not alone!  So "Go Charlotte"!!!  You did that girl and I am so grateful that the movie went there and showcased your vulnerablility because we all are (vulnerable).  And no matter how many times it takes us running into the pantry closet, holding the knob on the door "tightly" and LETTING IT ALL OUT, then dont be ashamed to do it!  You do it until you get to the point where you realize that there are so many more Charlottes out there and that you are Not Alone!  And once you realize that, accept it, know it and began to walk in the fact that you are not "Superwoman" and then be ok with the fact that you don't care to be!!!

Just Sharing My Commentary, What's Yours???

Comment, Follow-Just let me know what you think:-)!

April

Too Ambitious.....Should We Only Be Concerned with Being a Wife and Mother?

"Peaches, you're waaay too ambitious".  I think you need to focus on what's important and that's your family right now".  Wow, does anyone dare to dream a wee bit bigger than you're suppose to (I do), or maybe you went up for that job that no one really thought you could get, except you (I did and I got it), or maybe you dared to go somewhere and do something that nobody else in your immediate would have even thought to do, "you're too young, who'll be with you" (well I did, I left and I'm still doing ok).  Why is it that people place their own inhibitions on you?  And honestly, I do believe that if you truly love someone you tend to want to think about what's probably best for that person but what we have to realize is, "my life" is not "yours" to live.  Ever since I was twleve or thirteen years old I've been dreaming big dreams (well, at least that's what I've been told-lol) and that's the difference between me and other folks, I never thought they were BIG DREAMS, I thought "EVERYBODY" thought the same way I did-Lol!.  My moma would always say, "that child got some big dreams don't she" and I always wondered what she meant by that.  I mean, aren't other folks thinking and dreaming and wishing the same way, and if not, why?  What is it that makes people think, "I can't do that", if everything in them tells them that they can!?!?  Is it their environment or their current situation, what is it?  Honestly, I've never thought, especially as a kid, that there was "nothing" that I couldnt do, especially if I really worked at it and tried my best (okay corny but it's so true). 

Okay now fast forward twenty or so years, I'm 35 years old with "MONUMENTAL"responsibility, my husband, my children, their lives, their needs, their wants, now, their dreams!  Okay, not so much about me anymore and honestly that comes with the territory.  I've learned that the things I necessarily think are my passion or my calling kind of have to "wait" because my family comes first and foremost!  Back in the day if someone offered me a job or asked if I could take part in an special event or even asked if I could go on a trip, my first thoughts were a resounding, "how much does it pay" and/or "when do we leave".  Now, my first thoughts are, "how can I incorporate my family into this?" and honestly if I can't in any way and if it's not going to be the "ideal" situation for them, then my answer is always "No", and not "No" forever but just "No" for now.  Realizing that if it's for me now then it'll be for me later.  See I think that's the difference in being 'too ambitious' with "no focus" because with no focus, it's absolutely and completely about "you" but when you are truly ambitious but "with focus" and you know what's important, it becomes ABSOLUTELY "not about you".  So I say all of that to pose this very important question that I've had to deal with lately concerning some very important decisions regarding "me" in the past couple of years.  And let's be clear, this question didnt just come up because of my recent quest to be on Oprah or to start my own business, etc., no, this question has honestly been bouncing around in my head for a few years now.  Honestly it started when I decided to be a stay-at-home "Moma".   Some of you think, "why did she have to think about staying at home", well because that job, like no other (if you're a hands on parent like I am) requires you to have absolutely no life of your own.  You are literally in the trenches all day, feeding, cooking, teaching, playing, going to activities, going to the grocery store, dr's appts, sick days, well days, etc., etc., people dont truly understand the actual time and work it takes to stay at home with your kids.  So after a while of this, I was done, I wanted it to be over, was ready to go back to work because honestly, work, in my opinion, was so much easier than what I was doing...EVERYDAY!  But I dealt with that question, do I go back or do I stay for my kids, eerrrgghh!  I want a life other than this is what I would always think to myself but you know what, for reasons I knew were going to benefit my family and my kids in the long run, I stayed.  Another example, when it was time for me to go back to work, I wanted a big, high profile job like the one I had before I started staying home, so I started applying to all these positions that would have me gone as much as my husband and even preoccupied with work when I was home.  Well after awhile of thinking....Big Money but no time with my kids, I decided that I had to take something less high-profile, less money and that would require me to still be able to be that hands on, full time mommy and let's be clear, I love my husband and my babies sooo much that honestly it was an easy choice. 

So here we are now, kids are a little older, husbands definitely more self sufficient when it comes to trying to balance life with work and kids and activities......okay, well not that 'self sufficient' cause I'm still trying to get that one down myself, Lol but he can handle it way better than in earlier years:-).  So now moma has a couple opportunities that she's prayed about regarding her family and honestly this could be you with a big job opportunity or a travel opportunity or even to step out on faith to quit a great job to stay home with your family or to begin your own business.  Whatever your "Big Opportunity" may be mommies, you're at  a crossroad in your life and you need to make that decision as to whether you go "left" (into a great situation that may cause you to not be as full time or hands on as you use to be but will not take you away from your role and responsibility to your family, however things will definitely change a bit) or you go "right" (where you're comfortable, life is really easy, there's no "big" dreaming and you just keep putting "life" off til' it's better for the people around you).

SHOULD WE ONLY BE CONCERNED WITH BEING A GOOD WIFE AND MOTHER?  I think about all the women out there who are successful and have awesome careers, loving husbands and good kids and are living out their dreams (whether she's a secretary, a nurse, a teacher, a judge or president of her company) and I wonder what sacrifices have they had to make in order to do what they love and still be there for their families.  Yes, we don't live in people's homes so we don't know truly how they're faring with the mom having a role or career outside of the home.  I'm sure that in order for 'mommy' to do what she does there is some great sacrifice on the part of the entire family (because moma's role is so important in the family therefore, in order for her to do what she does, everybody has to step up..."sacrifice").  So I think about my doctor, who happens to be a woman, bryce and asia's pediatrician, who happens to be a woman, my OB, and you know it, she's a woman.  I stand back sometimes in awe of them and wonder, how do they keep up the schedule that they have and still try to be "in the moment" with their families.  And what my primary care physican told me was that, "it aint easy April but if I didnt do what I do then I wouldnt be the great mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and "Doctor" that I am.  She told me that she loved her family but this, what she was doing, helping people and taking care of people was about her and her calling (what God put down in "her") and not about her kids or her husband or their "lifestyle".  Now they benefit from my being here and working in my calling but in no way is this calling 100% about them.  Wow, I couldn't have described what she said any better than if I had uttered those words myself!

So mommies, is your dream or a goal that you have "too ambitious" for you because you're a mommy or a wife or because you already have a job that you "like" but it's not your calling.  Should you stay where you are because honestly, that's what everybody else is doing and they seem to be doing ok?  Should you accept somebody else's reality as yours?  Heck no!  My thoughts on this, you get one go round' in this world, if you dont make it count for something, your loss!  Now, my disclaimer, I'm not at all saying that being a good wife and mother arent good and fulfilling jobs, please no one take any of what I'm saying as that....Never for a moment would I think that!  What I'm saying is, if that is what fulfils you then I'm for it and I pray you be the best wife and mother you can be!  But if your friend or sister or aunt or wife has another calling and wants to step out on faith to persue it, you then support and pray for her that she not only is doing the right thing but that she succeds in all that God has called her to "balance", wife, motherhood, career, sisterfriend, co-worker, "Dream".  You pray God equipts her to be successful at all that her hands touch and not tell her that she should maybe "not" be too ambitious.  Let's support one another ladies and husbands and heck even kids.  We put it out there on the line everyday for our families and friends, all we ask is for a little support in our "Ambition"!

Just sharing my commentary, what's yours, seriously, what are your thoughts?

April

Struggling To Balance It All!!!

YES!!!  I'm finally doing this blog which I've been talking about doing for about a month now, which is a testament to how extremely "BUSY" my life has been these past few months!  Okay folks, I'm starting strong on this one!  Question, how many out there (men and/or women)  find yourselves eating your lunch/dinner in the car, whisking the kids from one activity to the other with almost no conversation in the car, speeding in traffic trying to get from one appointment to the next, confusing the dates of your appointments, getting half-way to work, school, daycare, event, etc., and realize you forgot the checkbook or the money to pay for the visit, and the list can go on and on!?  But I'm really curious to see, is it just me or are many of us either too proud to admit that we're struggling (to handle it all) or are many simply in denial about it and feel that they, with all that their juggling, are managing just fine?  I pose that question because I realize that I may get some flack from some very conservative, christian and even superwoman-like women out there who will simply downplay their struggles and tell all who will listen that "God" will take care of all their needs.  And let's be clear, I absolutely believe that with all of my heart, I do.  However, I think that at some point we have to stop simply throwing out scriptures and leaving it at that.  We need to sit down with our sisterfriend, co-worker, boss, aunt, mom, wives, etc. and actually engage and spend some time with them and listen to what they're going thru.  We need honest, true and REAL dialogue on this issue.  No doubt that my God can do any and all things....above all that we can even think or ask and I think most "christian" women who are "struggling to balance it all" already know and understand that part, we just need to know that we're not the only ones going through it (then you can slide a scripture or two in:-).

So here is where I began (transparency time).  From what one can tell on the outside looking in on my life....it's this beautiful family (and we are, let's get that part straight-lol), with a beautiful life, with 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, beautiful friends and a beautiful matriach (me!!!) of a mommy holding it down-lol!  Well, let's be real folks, IT'S NICE but it aint all beautiful!  My sweet, sweet husband works almost 12-14 hour days for at least 6 mos. OR MORE out of the year (some of that out of town) and I'm very thankful for him and what he does for our family, grateful even!  HOWEVER.... the fact that he's a good husband and hardworking, etc, etc, does not take away from the fact that "Mommy" is "GETTIN' IT IN" like many of you out there!  It's tough to be in a situation like mine or like yours because we do have help (or as my moma describes help, "HUSBANDS") so as soon as we open our mouth(s) to complain or say were tired or even if we get a little bit frustrated there's always someone standing by to remind you that, "Giiirl, you got it good, at least you got some help"!  Yeah, who among you have heard that stressed to you more times than you can count?  Oh, me, me, me-lol!  And to be honest, they're right....kind of.  We do have help but it's not always "given" by our spouses or significant others in the way we truly need it.  I've been doing this job (wife & mother) long enough to realize that there are 3 different types of help we as women need and we need them at specific times.  Example, I can do homework, clean the house from top to bottom, cook, feed the kids, get everything set out for bath time, bed time, etc., leave the house for a nano second and come back home and the place is "D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D"!  There is no one in bed, they're sitting in front of the t.v. (of which I hate but that's a whole nother' blog-lol), the kitchen is not cleaned up from dinner, nothings put away and my loving husband looks at me and says so very innocently,  "Whaaaat???"  See, it's at that moment, I dont need the physical prowess of my husband (working the midnight oil to bring home the bacon), nor do I need the spiritual sensitivity of my husband (giving me a quoted scripture of "God will work out all your stress and problems Peaches").  NO, the type of help that I need from my husband at that very moment, is the MENTAL!  I need for him to realize and RATIONALIZE (as most of us women do for our significant others when we're trying to put ourselves in their shoes to better understand what they're going thru) in his head that it's not so much about the house being cleaned or the things being put away in their place or even the kids sitting in front of the television "all day"....nope, it's simply about him connecting to me and understanding that I (as a wife and mom) do what I do (the cleaning, the cooking, the ripping & running with the kids, etc.) not because it's fun but becasue they are sooo worth every bit of stress and strain I encounter in my day!  I need for him to understand that these things are done for their comfortability and not because I simply enjoy it! I think that once men understand that we're not ripping and running, cleaning and cooking, turning off t.v.s and stressing the importance of homework just because, but that there's a real purpose to it all, then it's a possibility that they wont so easily allow the kids to destroy the house after you've cleaned for hours or for them to sit in front of the television all day and they might even attempt to clean the kitchen after dinner....okay that's a stretch, but wishful thinking-lolol! 

So, I say all of that to say this, if you're struggling to balance it all and keep it all together, IT'S OK, we all are!  The thing that's not ok and that I fight to not let overtake me, is allowing it (the struggle for balance) to penetrate into who I am as a person.  Okay I get it, we're all somebody's mom, somebody's wife, somebody's sistergirlfriend, somebody's daughter, somebody's committe member, somebody's co-worker, somebody's employee/employer but who we "Are Not" is somebody else's idea or image of who were SUPPOSE to be!  I'm a wife and a mom and I do my fair share of cleaning, cooking, running, ripping but those activities and characteristics of what I do dont describe the full totality of who I am.  We as women have to start realizing the gift that is within us and then and only then will we start to appreciate who we truly are as moms, wives, sistergirlfrend, etc. and not be satisfied with just being somebody's "SOMETHING"!  I love being a mommy, by far the best job I've ever had!  And a wife, ouh child, on those days when I'm really being appreciated.....Ouuuuuh Honey-lol!  But as much as I identify with those titles, I cant allow "only" those titles to identify me!  We are more than what anyone can see!  So in your struggle for balance, always remember who you and "who's you are" and I'm betting that the balance that we so desparately search for will soon come! 

Also, instead of judging eachother so harshly about "why" some of us are struggling to keep the balance, let's come together from time to time to celebrate the fact that we've decided to continue in the "struggle" to keep it all together!  What an awesome idea to get together once in awhile to fellowship with one another if nothing else but to vent.  However in your venting, also get some encouragement to go out another day to fight for that balance for you and your family!  We as women share a true bond and one very important common goal, and that is, we LOVE our families and will do whatever it takes to keep it all together!  This is why we do what we do but it dosent mean we have to forget who we are in the process!

This is April (again...) and I'm simply "Struggling To Balance It All"!  and sharing my commentary with any who will listen!

Be Forever Blessed and ladies remember, walk in your Victory of who God created you to be and if that's "only" a mommy or "only"a wife or "only" an employee, etc., then walk in it and be "it" with such resileance and confidence that no one can ever tell you that you are not who you say you are and that the balance you so desire is "unreachable", it's not!  Let's Get It!

April
Btw, dont forget to join me for the 1st Annual "Struggling To Balance It All" Girls Weekend Retreat and Get-Away July 23-25, 2010 @  The W. Midtown!!! More details to follow soon so start putting away that "Mommy Money"!