How does a "mother", who is totally committed to her kids, family, etc. truly find the time in her day (year, month, LIFE) to focus on what she wants to do? Or, should her focus just be on her family? I've come to this place (for the 100th time) that I will just wait, wait until life gets easier, wait until there's time for me, wait until my kids are bigger & more self-sufficient, wait until my focus is solely on me bcuz honestly, "me" is not happening anytime soon. I've even noticed that when I'm in the gym working out, I'm rushing my workouts saying, "nope, I can't do weights today, I can't do Abs.....I have too many errands to run or a dr's appt to get to or check the kids out for their appts or a project to finish, or, yadah, yadah, yada. Is this "double" life truly attainable (I mean, attaining it with your sanity intact, lol). Now I'll be clear, I don't harbor any guilt regarding my situation, I'm convinced that my babies will be fine without me standing over them every waking second of the day, and just as convinced that what needs to get done @ my home will "eventually" get done. So I'm not feeling guilty about wanting to be back in the workforce, nor do I feel guilty about not being able to do everything for everybody (NOT EVEN, lOL!). I think I’m just overwhelmed thinking about trying to literally, "DO" it all' (hint, struggling to balance it all).
So to my point, a really honest and 'tell-it-like-it-is good friend of mine told me that she thinks that I'm afraid of success. Get that, me, afraid to succeed, doesn't even sound right....but could she be right? She's convinced that I use the kids (and all of the "Gabillion" things I have going on with them and my life) as an excuse "not" to do what it is I should be doing, hmmmm!? She says that success is imminent and I know it, that's why I say, "I can't, the kids, my family, my friends". Hmmmmm, wondering, could she really have a point? I feel her, however I don't think I'm "afraid" to actually succeed but maybe afraid that I'm not gonna know how to "balance" the success with my most important gig' right now, which is my family. Afraid that I'll start it and have to stop it and let it all go as I've done so many times in the past because I'm needed more @ home. Hmmmmm, just wondering out loud. So my question, who among you are doing it, holding it down, keeping it all together (well, you know what I mean, to the best of your ability) and are not having to "choose" your career/job/dream over your family? Anybody out there ever feel really drawn and pulled to do something "else" but didn't move out of fear? Not exactly "fear" that you wouldn't do well but the fear of having to decide which is more important. Would love to hear your feedback, especially from working women (but any and all please feel free to reply)!
Just thinking out loud and wondering, if anyone else has been there, "Afraid to Succeed".
April (STBIA)
Some people are afraid to stretch their horizons to maximize their full potential. Like in retail/grocery establishments, a person might be great at being a sale associate/department manager, but maybe afraid to apply for a salaried management/corporate position due to fear of failure/greater responsibilities. Once a person overcome their fear to succeed, they will be able to untap their full potential in any goal they are trying to fulfill.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brian, although his comment is too nice and neat for me. Of course, one needs to overcome their fear of success, but HOW? I think that is the greater question. How do we let go of our comfort zones, especially when we mommies feel stretched to the mental, emotional, and physical max juggling kids, work, marriage, family dynamics, church, etc?? I think sometimes the full on exhaustion of dealing with it all scares us sober into thinking, how could I POSSIBLY take on more and "stretch my horizons" when I am maxed out as it is? Someone needs to come up with a seminar on THIS issue.
ReplyDeleteApril, your blog may be a year old, but it comes so timely for me now. I KNOW that I am absolutely afraid of success. I was searching online for SOME type of encouragement from a fellow mom, since I have been super stressed out, feeling overwhelmed and have been struggling with a career choice for the past 2 weeks. If I take this opportunity, it means many changes for me: transitioning out of a family business and position I have held for 13 years, rearranging my entire schedule, finding a nanny for my 1.5 year old son, working in an entirely different environment, dealing with the guilt of leaving the family business.
But I desire to "stretch my horizons." I desire to "maximize my full potential". ALL of the things Brian said, but it is so much easier said than done.
The stress of this decision and all of the extra tasks that have come with it have really weakened me emotionally and spiritually. Through prayer, I hear God telling me to trust Him and know that all my needs will be met. But it is really hard when you can't see what's on the other side of your dilemma!
My thoughts on your situation as well as my own: as long as we are doing/being the wife, mother, employee that God wants us to be, He will definitely take care of the path of success and your ability to handle it. ISA 42:16 "I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them." This is the best answer I can come up with at this point. If I think of anything better, I'll let you know. Hope that helps!