How does a "mother", who is totally committed to her kids, family, etc. truly find the time in her day (year, month, LIFE) to focus on what she wants to do? Or, should her focus just be on her family? I've come to this place (for the 100th time) that I will just wait, wait until life gets easier, wait until there's time for me, wait until my kids are bigger & more self-sufficient, wait until my focus is solely on me bcuz honestly, "me" is not happening anytime soon. I've even noticed that when I'm in the gym working out, I'm rushing my workouts saying, "nope, I can't do weights today, I can't do Abs.....I have too many errands to run or a dr's appt to get to or check the kids out for their appts or a project to finish, or, yadah, yadah, yada. Is this "double" life truly attainable (I mean, attaining it with your sanity intact, lol). Now I'll be clear, I don't harbor any guilt regarding my situation, I'm convinced that my babies will be fine without me standing over them every waking second of the day, and just as convinced that what needs to get done @ my home will "eventually" get done. So I'm not feeling guilty about wanting to be back in the workforce, nor do I feel guilty about not being able to do everything for everybody (NOT EVEN, lOL!). I think I’m just overwhelmed thinking about trying to literally, "DO" it all' (hint, struggling to balance it all).
So to my point, a really honest and 'tell-it-like-it-is good friend of mine told me that she thinks that I'm afraid of success. Get that, me, afraid to succeed, doesn't even sound right....but could she be right? She's convinced that I use the kids (and all of the "Gabillion" things I have going on with them and my life) as an excuse "not" to do what it is I should be doing, hmmmm!? She says that success is imminent and I know it, that's why I say, "I can't, the kids, my family, my friends". Hmmmmm, wondering, could she really have a point? I feel her, however I don't think I'm "afraid" to actually succeed but maybe afraid that I'm not gonna know how to "balance" the success with my most important gig' right now, which is my family. Afraid that I'll start it and have to stop it and let it all go as I've done so many times in the past because I'm needed more @ home. Hmmmmm, just wondering out loud. So my question, who among you are doing it, holding it down, keeping it all together (well, you know what I mean, to the best of your ability) and are not having to "choose" your career/job/dream over your family? Anybody out there ever feel really drawn and pulled to do something "else" but didn't move out of fear? Not exactly "fear" that you wouldn't do well but the fear of having to decide which is more important. Would love to hear your feedback, especially from working women (but any and all please feel free to reply)!
Just thinking out loud and wondering, if anyone else has been there, "Afraid to Succeed".
April (STBIA)
