YES!!! I'm finally doing this blog which I've been talking about doing for about a month now, which is a testament to how extremely "BUSY" my life has been these past few months! Okay folks, I'm starting strong on this one! Question, how many out there (men and/or women) find yourselves eating your lunch/dinner in the car, whisking the kids from one activity to the other with almost no conversation in the car, speeding in traffic trying to get from one appointment to the next, confusing the dates of your appointments, getting half-way to work, school, daycare, event, etc., and realize you forgot the checkbook or the money to pay for the visit, and the list can go on and on!? But I'm really curious to see, is it just me or are many of us either too proud to admit that we're struggling (to handle it all) or are many simply in denial about it and feel that they, with all that their juggling, are managing just fine? I pose that question because I realize that I may get some flack from some very conservative, christian and even superwoman-like women out there who will simply downplay their struggles and tell all who will listen that "God" will take care of all their needs. And let's be clear, I absolutely believe that with all of my heart, I do. However, I think that at some point we have to stop simply throwing out scriptures and leaving it at that. We need to sit down with our sisterfriend, co-worker, boss, aunt, mom, wives, etc. and actually engage and spend some time with them and listen to what they're going thru. We need honest, true and REAL dialogue on this issue. No doubt that my God can do any and all things....above all that we can even think or ask and I think most "christian" women who are "struggling to balance it all" already know and understand that part, we just need to know that we're not the only ones going through it (then you can slide a scripture or two in:-).
So here is where I began (transparency time). From what one can tell on the outside looking in on my life....it's this beautiful family (and we are, let's get that part straight-lol), with a beautiful life, with 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, beautiful friends and a beautiful matriach (me!!!) of a mommy holding it down-lol! Well, let's be real folks, IT'S NICE but it aint all beautiful! My sweet, sweet husband works almost 12-14 hour days for at least 6 mos. OR MORE out of the year (some of that out of town) and I'm very thankful for him and what he does for our family, grateful even! HOWEVER.... the fact that he's a good husband and hardworking, etc, etc, does not take away from the fact that "Mommy" is "GETTIN' IT IN" like many of you out there! It's tough to be in a situation like mine or like yours because we do have help (or as my moma describes help, "HUSBANDS") so as soon as we open our mouth(s) to complain or say were tired or even if we get a little bit frustrated there's always someone standing by to remind you that, "Giiirl, you got it good, at least you got some help"! Yeah, who among you have heard that stressed to you more times than you can count? Oh, me, me, me-lol! And to be honest, they're right....kind of. We do have help but it's not always "given" by our spouses or significant others in the way we truly need it. I've been doing this job (wife & mother) long enough to realize that there are 3 different types of help we as women need and we need them at specific times. Example, I can do homework, clean the house from top to bottom, cook, feed the kids, get everything set out for bath time, bed time, etc., leave the house for a nano second and come back home and the place is "D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D"! There is no one in bed, they're sitting in front of the t.v. (of which I hate but that's a whole nother' blog-lol), the kitchen is not cleaned up from dinner, nothings put away and my loving husband looks at me and says so very innocently, "Whaaaat???" See, it's at that moment, I dont need the physical prowess of my husband (working the midnight oil to bring home the bacon), nor do I need the spiritual sensitivity of my husband (giving me a quoted scripture of "God will work out all your stress and problems Peaches"). NO, the type of help that I need from my husband at that very moment, is the MENTAL! I need for him to realize and RATIONALIZE (as most of us women do for our significant others when we're trying to put ourselves in their shoes to better understand what they're going thru) in his head that it's not so much about the house being cleaned or the things being put away in their place or even the kids sitting in front of the television "all day"....nope, it's simply about him connecting to me and understanding that I (as a wife and mom) do what I do (the cleaning, the cooking, the ripping & running with the kids, etc.) not because it's fun but becasue they are sooo worth every bit of stress and strain I encounter in my day! I need for him to understand that these things are done for their comfortability and not because I simply enjoy it! I think that once men understand that we're not ripping and running, cleaning and cooking, turning off t.v.s and stressing the importance of homework just because, but that there's a real purpose to it all, then it's a possibility that they wont so easily allow the kids to destroy the house after you've cleaned for hours or for them to sit in front of the television all day and they might even attempt to clean the kitchen after dinner....okay that's a stretch, but wishful thinking-lolol!
So, I say all of that to say this, if you're struggling to balance it all and keep it all together, IT'S OK, we all are! The thing that's not ok and that I fight to not let overtake me, is allowing it (the struggle for balance) to penetrate into who I am as a person. Okay I get it, we're all somebody's mom, somebody's wife, somebody's sistergirlfriend, somebody's daughter, somebody's committe member, somebody's co-worker, somebody's employee/employer but who we "Are Not" is somebody else's idea or image of who were SUPPOSE to be! I'm a wife and a mom and I do my fair share of cleaning, cooking, running, ripping but those activities and characteristics of what I do dont describe the full totality of who I am. We as women have to start realizing the gift that is within us and then and only then will we start to appreciate who we truly are as moms, wives, sistergirlfrend, etc. and not be satisfied with just being somebody's "SOMETHING"! I love being a mommy, by far the best job I've ever had! And a wife, ouh child, on those days when I'm really being appreciated.....Ouuuuuh Honey-lol! But as much as I identify with those titles, I cant allow "only" those titles to identify me! We are more than what anyone can see! So in your struggle for balance, always remember who you and "who's you are" and I'm betting that the balance that we so desparately search for will soon come!
Also, instead of judging eachother so harshly about "why" some of us are struggling to keep the balance, let's come together from time to time to celebrate the fact that we've decided to continue in the "struggle" to keep it all together! What an awesome idea to get together once in awhile to fellowship with one another if nothing else but to vent. However in your venting, also get some encouragement to go out another day to fight for that balance for you and your family! We as women share a true bond and one very important common goal, and that is, we LOVE our families and will do whatever it takes to keep it all together! This is why we do what we do but it dosent mean we have to forget who we are in the process!
This is April (again...) and I'm simply "Struggling To Balance It All"! and sharing my commentary with any who will listen!
Be Forever Blessed and ladies remember, walk in your Victory of who God created you to be and if that's "only" a mommy or "only"a wife or "only" an employee, etc., then walk in it and be "it" with such resileance and confidence that no one can ever tell you that you are not who you say you are and that the balance you so desire is "unreachable", it's not! Let's Get It!
April
Btw, dont forget to join me for the 1st Annual "Struggling To Balance It All" Girls Weekend Retreat and Get-Away July 23-25, 2010 @ The W. Midtown!!! More details to follow soon so start putting away that "Mommy Money"!
Honey Boom!!!! Girl you SAID THAT!!!! I'm tickled over here....thinking about the "help" we need as women when it comes to kids, work, home, school, etc. I can relate to everything you've stated, but I must say that we bring it on ourselves. Yep, we bring it on ourselves by trying to be superwoman, trying to live up to the expectations of others, trying to do it how we think somebody else is doing it....oh I could go on and on, but the bottom line is we need to just do what is within our strength to do. We need to get out of our own way sometimes....we just do too much! And for what? Most of the time we want to sit around and talk about oh girl I feel ya, honey you think you got it bad, whoo child let me tell ya....I'm not saying that this is the case for you but I feel like some women just do too much it ain't even neccessary. We are busy, but why? Half of the things we do are not even neccessary, like some women have they're kids in way too many activities and they're tryin to be the spokeswoman for each activity.....sat down somewhere!!! (mmmmhuh, I said "sat") lol!!! For those of US who are genuinely trying to balance the important things...I think that a forum such as this is essential because we all need some "ME TIME", we tend to leave self out of the many things we are trying to balance....in order to have balance in your life you have got to find balance in yourself!
ReplyDeleteApril, I love it girl!!! Oh, and I will be there for the retreat!!!! Keep it comin girl and while you're at it check out Soul Beautiful Living....the blog is REAL GOOD!
Thanks sooo much for your reply "Ms. Dior", wait a minute, you're Ms. Dior with the radio talk "blog"!?!? Wow, girl, I will def' check it out and Thanks for supporting the blog and as you always do....speaking the honest to goodness TRUTH! I agree, we as women do try to do alot of things that God didnt call us to do and I'll be the first to admit,that was me about a year and a half ago and I learned to step back. But honestly, my "balancing act" is inevitable. My husband puts it in girl and I am pretty much primary everything around here but I do it, why....because these are my babies and my family and I wouldnt have it any other way, well, maybe (lol!) but you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteHave A Good One girl & I'm looooving your SPIRIT!!!
April
April You are soooo right! Clair Huxstable could'nt have stated it better!!LOL. It is so hard to balance out your day because at the end of the day you have been mommy, wife, nanny, teacher,preacher, coach, cook, driver, adviser just to name a few. Our work as Mothers is never done. We are powerful species and some of us do not give ourselves the credit we so deserve. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and is steadly moving toward her future. So for all the women out there that are grinding everyday, from one sister to another, one mother to another, Hats Off To Ya Ladies. thanks April for doing this blog, it is really going to change the way we as women not only think of other women but most of all what we think of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI love this April. In my effort to balance it all, I have had to drop a few things, most of them were the things for me. Hair, Nails, all the things that help us to revive and rejuv to do it all again! I happy but struggling to get "me" back.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder why we as women always do the sacrifice and most often forgetting our ownselves. Maybe this is our role in this world.
ReplyDelete